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24 May 2006 @ 08:21 pm
Contemplations - Cloud/Sephiroth (Part 2)  
SUMMARY: Sephiroth comes to visit Cloud in the now empty apartment and they discuss Kadaj, mothers, and life in general. Yaoi warning for part 2 & 3.

Sephiroth: It surprised him a little that he found himself relieved when he heard of Cloud’s own agreement to his offer, ignoring the fact of his lover’s pointed declaration that it was something that only he himself wanted. Cloud’s thought process was too far focused upon the desires of others, something about his lover that needed to be changed if the younger man was ever going to heal himself.

“It pleases me to hear that you agree.” Sephiroth murmured quietly into the darkness. It would be a large change to his own routine but it would be something that he would be handled easily enough.

The vision of Cloud before him changed into a slight angle as his head tilted to one side while he considered his lovers words. He had noticed this change within Cloud ever since his lover’s fight with Kadaj, the strength which use to be behind the younger man’s words seemed to have diminished greatly and now held nothing but an undercurrent of hesitancy and doubt within them. Sephiroth was aware that the fight had mentally affected Cloud greatly, but not to the effect that was being displayed before him now. “You believe I would leave you through such a petty emotion such as anger Cloud” Sephiroth stated carefully, his gaze remaining fixated upon his lover.

“Have I attempted yet to leave during one of our arguments?” He questioned, brow rising up in reaction to his words as he fell quiet, allowing his lover to ponder what was asked to him. From his own memory, not once had he attempted to flee such an argument. It was something that he just couldn’t physically do, to back down and surrender to such a thing would mean admitting defeat and the fact that he was unable to complete something even if the subject in general was simply a verbal fight.

The silence that followed his admittance went entirely ignore on Sephiroth’s part, his mind being far too focused upon what he had actually said. Never before had he been so dedicated to another that he would actually risk his life for them, none before had ever truly been worthy of such an act. And yet the thought of him dying for Cloud came far too easily within his own mind that it simply felt natural for him.

He kept his gaze averted from Cloud’s own, stubbornly keeping it locked onto the hands within his vision as the tight grip remained. If he were to release it now he was more than certain that everything would be lost, that he would fall within the darkness without any hope of seeing the light again. A loss that he wasn’t willing to accept… not anymore.

Sephiroth wasn’t sure if his grip around Cloud’s hands tightened further or not when the silence was finally broken, considering all thoughts came to a screeching halt as soon as that single word fell from the younger man’s lips. He wasn’t sure anymore if he managed to keep his expression neutral or not, hoping that he had and not actually ended up showing any of his shock or surprise from the word.

The tightening he felt around his own hand seemed to be able to snap him out of his own stupor, as slowly he blinked and turned his attention towards his lover just in time to see a mass of blonde hair as Cloud’s body leant against his shoulder as the feel of warm skin pressed up against his own neck. It took him a moment longer for his mind to register what Cloud had spoken and in return he found himself leaning back against his lover’s body, simply enjoying the contact and the knowledge that Cloud was still with him after being together for so long. Yet if he had his way, Cloud would never again leave his side. “…who indeed…” Sephiroth finally said, his voice nearly silent within the deathly quiet room.

Cloud: Turning his gaze away from Sephiroth again, Cloud knew that Sephiroth would never walk out even when they were fighting each other. It had been him who had walked away in an attempt to clear his head, but their fights had never lasted long enough to allow that sort of behaviour to actually come to pass yet. He doubted that Sephiroth would back down in a fight with him anyway, and it was just another level of competitive nature that was between them both, he was sure. Still, he never thought Kadaj would walk away either, but that had gone all too sour so easily.

"Not yet," he managed to murmur out. He knew it could happen, and he wasn't sure if he could deal with someone else he cared about walking away from him. He was sure it was probably a fate that he deserved, but he still wished to cling to the hope that he could someday - perhaps far far in the future - find a little relief from his pain. "It could happen if I push too hard, delve too deep... search too much."

He felt Sephiroth's reaction to that single word, the one word that older man had uttered before under a haze of sleep without meaning it. There hadn't been much of a change in Sephiroth, but there had been a small one. He had taken notice of it, and he knew that Sephiroth's reactions now spoke more than the older man ever would on the subject of being in love with him. It had probably been admitted by accident. "Do you regret telling me that? Maybe you wish you had never said it in the first place...?"

He remained leaning on Sephiroth, comfortable with the warmth next to him. "We can last together... you and I. If you want it bad enough... we can make it work."

Sephiroth: It seemed as though Cloud wasn’t entirely secure with the foundations of their relationship either. “If you believe that of me… then you are sorely mistaken. It seems that it’s a mistake I’ll have to prove to you otherwise hmm?” He had been by Cloud’s side for a good part of the past three years in some form or another, never once leaving his lover’s side despite the very different situations that was between them. “…I have been by your side in some manner or another for quite some time now Cloud… and it is something that will not change anytime in the future either. Your search, no matter how much you push, will never drive me from your side… nothing short of your reluctance to continue our relationship would cause such an outcome.”

He found himself with no reaction to Cloud’s next statement, and the matter that his reaction had been caught by his lover didn’t bother him as much as what it should have done. To be read so easily by another even if what was silently said via his body language wasn’t entirely what had surprised him most of all. “No, the words I spoke I do not regret.” Sephiroth began quietly, inhaling a small breath to calm his mind down as he leant his head against the top of Cloud’s own. “What I spoke of is how I feel within, to speak otherwise of it now would be nothing but a lie.” Not that Cloud would get that word forming from his lips again, at least not while he was conscious like he was currently.

“I desire nothing more than you… You belong to me just as much as I belong to you.” What he said was true, Sephiroth was more than fully aware that he would be unable to release Cloud from his life, not with his possessive nature it was something that was physically and mentally impossible for him to do. Cloud knew of his possessiveness to a degree, but he had yet to fully realise and understand what it truly was.

His free arm moved back between their bodies, slipping around to comfortably situate itself upon his lover’s waist as his other hand continued to hold Cloud’s own within his grasp. “…is this still something that you want yourself though Cloud?”

Cloud: Turning his head from where it was resting against Sephiroth's neck, Cloud peered up at the older man for a moment. He knew that Sephiroth had been around with him for a very long time, that they had been united in one form or another. Technically, he had been able to hear Sephiroth's call when he was trapped in Hojo's lab all those years ago. Their terms had been very different up to about three months ago, but he couldn't help but acknowledge that connect. It was the only reason that he knew how to read Sephiroth so well now.

"I..." he started and stopped, shaking his head a little. He knew it was probably true, but there was still that shadow of doubt hanging over him. He couldn't shake what had happened between himself and Kadaj, aware that it had to be all his fault. "It's difficult... I want to know who you are, what you're thinking... but with Kadaj... I ruined everything by pushing him," he murmured and turned his face into Sephiroth's neck again, hiding his face. It was not an easy admittance to state openly. "I don't know what I would do if I lost you the same way..."

He nodded his head a little, taking a bit of comfort from Sephiroth's words. He knew the words would never be uttered to him again for a long time, but he had heard it once and Sephiroth seemed good at assuring him. "I see... I knew you wouldn't lie about it, but I know it will never be spoken again. I'm fine with that... I understand what you mean, since I can read you well enough."

He managed to sit himself up more and sighed heavily, looking up at Sephiroth through the darkness of the room. He shifted closer to the arm that appeared around his waist. "...you're the only stable element in my life," he admitted. He turned his face down to stare at the blanket and sighed heavily. "I enjoy your company... I haven't been in a relationship in over a year. I didn't think I was capable of it ever lasting more than a few days... but we have lasted two months. I think I..." he trailed off and shook his head again. "...nevermind."

Sephiroth: “Kadaj and I may be similar is some respect… but just as we hold similarities we also hold differences, just the same as you and I do and the same as the similarities and differences between yourself and Kadaj. No two are the same no matter how many similarities they may hold between each other. If you get too caught up within what is the same, you’ll only miss out on what is unique and different and what truly makes up another person from the next one.” Sephiroth thoughtfully spoke. He had been right in his assumptions with what had been plaguing his lover, and even with the admittance from the younger man, Sephiroth didn’t find any hint of surprise within him.

He allowed a small stretch of silence to come from him, giving him the opportunity to gather his thoughts before he softly added. “You can not even hope to find those things seek if you fear what pushed away one person might push away the next, to think in that sense would only elevate your fear until you lock your thoughts back within your mind.”

Pressing a light kiss to the top of Cloud’s head when his lover’s face once again hid within the crook of his neck, Sephiroth moved until his cheek rest upon the soft blonde hair beneath. “You have nothing to fear, I don’t plan on going anywhere nor do I mind your prodding... even if I’ll more than likely be stubborn along the way.”

At times it still amazed him in some way that Cloud could so very easily read through his words at times; yet at others the meaning behind his words went unnoticed. Although the very same could be said about his own observation, but he hoped over time that these little misses would become less. He was glad though that the younger man had enough of an understanding of him to realise what it was he was saying. It made things far easier between them for the most part, and that he was grateful.

The admittance of stability had come at a little surprise, considering he didn’t think of himself as exactly the most stable of minds upon this planet. Tightening his embrace as Cloud shifted in closer, the mako within his eyes glowed softly within the dark room, his gaze trailing over the younger man’s facial features even as they were turned away from his own and down to the blanket below. It wasn’t until Cloud trailed off though that Sephiroth finally decided to speak up. “There have been some high’s and lows over our time together… but even with the negatives there are the positives which have easily balanced everything out between them. And yet, even with the negative aspects which has arisen… I have not yet regretted anything that has happened between us during the past two months.”

It almost made his mind wander off topic at Cloud’s words of dismissal. Finding himself almost slightly amused at the ‘nevermind’ considering the chances for curiosity not being picked were slim to none at best and wondered if someone had ever actually said it and not had the recipient press for what was originally to be said. The gravity of the situation though kept all forms of humour and amusement from gripping him though, not in the mood himself to feel in such a way at all and Sephiroth found himself enjoying the calm atmosphere that has seemed to envelope the room. “Although…am I interested in hearing what you were going to say, but if you wish not to speak of it then I will respect your decision.” He had a small idea within his mind what it could possibly be but to think of such things was not only ridiculous on his behalf but foolish as well. The thought was cut off easily before it had a chance to do any damage and pushed it back into the far reaches of his mind to keep it safe. He was only a fool if he were to believe in such things.

Cloud: "I know there are similarities and differences but..." Cloud trailed off, trying to gather up his thoughts again. He knew what Sephiroth was talking about, and he knew there was a lot of differences between Kadaj and Sephiroth. He also knew that Sephiroth could be sensitive about topics of conversation, and the last thing he wanted right now was for them to end up in a fight, since they had already fought twice before. It was a part of growth, but it could also rip them apart if things went too far. "He acts so much like you sometimes... it's hard to sometimes tell where he stops and you begin on how you'll react to things."

He glanced at Sephiroth, more than aware of the older man's stubborn nature. He had experienced it more than a few times, but he had thankfully gotten used to it as well. "Stubborn ass..." he murmured softly and lay his head back down on Sephiroth's shoulder. Perhaps Sephiroth was lucky at he was persistent.

Staring at the blanket as much as the darkness of the bedroom allowed, he worked his jaw a little. Did he regret anything that had happened between him and Sephiroth? He gave it some thought in silence, mulling over all that had happened between them, and he finally shook his head a little. "I don't regret what we have started to have together," he said, nodding slowly. He wouldn't say he felt better, not with everything else that had happened. "I can... rely on you. You're too much of an ass to go away."

He sensed Sephiroth's want to know what he had said, but he was a little surprised that the older man let the issue drop openly. He glanced at Sephiroth, aware that the older man was trying to puzzle out what he was going to say, and he didn't think he could bring himself to say anything more. He stared at the comforter, gripping it with his free hand as his turmoiled mind tried to make sense of things that kept randomly surfacing in his thoughts.

And he was suddenly on the move, turning himself quickly and ripping his hand out of Sephiroth's grip. He set his hands on the older man's shoulders and shoved hard, near tackling Sephiroth to the bed. He half-lay on Sephiroth's chest, his hands still firmly set on his lover's shoulders as he buried his face into Sephiroth's chest. "Stop it... stop getting so close... I'm not supposed to be falling for you..."

Sephiroth: He could understand where Cloud was coming from, with the situation between Kadaj, his brothers and himself there were bound to be some form of similarities between them no matter how much the ones involved loathed such a prospect. And yet he also knew that if Cloud continued to ignore every slight difficulty within their relationship, then there was no chance for them to move too much more forward either. “You won’t learn how I react to things if you do not try Cloud.”

Sephiroth pointedly ignored the glance in his direction, more out of show than anything else, when it Cloud’s attention was given to him at his stubborn statement. Glancing briefly to the younger man at the murmured words, Sephiroth allowed a small smile to grace his lips as he watched Cloud’s head move to rest against his shoulder. “It is a quality you admire, no matter how much you state otherwise.” Sephiroth stated smugly, although the slight playful hint to his tone took away any true seriousness that his statement held.

Just as quickly as it had come, the amusement drifted back within him as his calm demeanour washed over his senses again. Much had happened within the time that they had been together and he was more than well aware that so much more still lay in wait within the future. What ever offsets did lay ahead of them though was all insignificant to him anyway, even more so when he heard Cloud speak of his own thoughts of non-regret. Sephiroth was easily able to hold back the chuckle that threatened to escape when he heard the next statement, knowing that they both knew that his stubborn nature wouldn’t allow him to end their relationship. “I suppose I should take that as a compliment hmm?”

Sephiroth had unknowingly found his mind drifting as he quietly watched his lover’s hands gripping the thick comforter within their grasp. It didn’t surprise him in the slightest that Cloud had refuse to finish off what he was going to say. A small part of him was a little disappointed by this fact, yet what ever disappointment he felt was far outweighed by the feeling of acceptance and respect from the younger man’s decision. In time perhaps he’d find out what was said, if it was even still relevant by that time.

He was caught entirely off guard when the movement came, Cloud’s body seemed almost like a blur when it rapidly turned around to face him, the entire fact that the hand he held instantly fled from his grip going unnoticed as he blinked almost in confusion. Before he had much of a chance to get his bearings, Sephiroth found himself suddenly off balanced when his shoulders were shoved and it was only through many years of harsh training that he stopped his limbs from flailing out to stop his decent.

Not long after his back made contact with the mattress below, Sephiroth made to sit back up but found himself still pinned to the soft surface. Gaze snapping to the hands still set firmly upon his shoulder, his mind giving him the obvious answer to why he couldn’t sit back up when he wanted too, he found his attention instantly moving over to watch, wide eye in surprise, as Cloud’s face was buried against his chest.

It took more than a few moments for his shocked mind to decipher what Cloud has spoken, his thoughts finding the words a little difficult to string together into something understandable as it attempted to get over the previous surprise. Getting close… Cloud was actually falling for him? Slowly his hands raised up as his arms moved to wrap loosely around his lover’s body in a light hold. “Is it really such a bad thing?” He asked, unable to keep the slight curiosity he felt from the tone in his voice.

Cloud: Cloud nodded his head a little to Sephiroth's statement, even if he tried to remain firm in his own thoughts. There were similarities between Sephiroth and Kadaj that he couldn't ignore, and it had be interesting to see at first but now... he didn't want things to go in the same direction that they had headed with Kadaj. He hadn't been there for Kadaj, not enough, not in a way that perhaps Kadaj required... maybe everything was all wrong and he just didn't know it. "I've fought against you for years... sometimes I can guess how you will react."

He ignored everything as he lay on Sephiroth, shivering as he noticed the blanket had been overturned and left his upper body exposed to the coolness of the evening air in his bedroom. He didn't want to move, but at the same time, he wanted to head for the bathroom and take some time to gather himself up again. He knew what he had said, and Sephiroth's body language over the course of his tackle was enough to tell him how the older man had taken it.

He couldn't take it back, and he didn't want to. He wanted to be angry with Sephiroth for getting closer than anyone had in a long time, knowing things about him that not a single person on the planet knew. He somewhat hoped his anger would crush the blossoming feeling that was slowly settling around him after two months of being close to Sephiroth, but he was also uncertain of what he would do without it tugging at his thoughts should it be crushed. He considered it fragile, a tendril of connection that he clung to in the bad times as of late.

"Yes... it is bad," he said, pressing harder on Sephiroth's shoulders in an attempt to keep the older man pinned down. "I haven't... I don't want..." he stopped and shook his head, fingers gripping hard on Sephiroth's shoulders with less of a pinning intent. "Not since Tifa has this started to happen... not in years... she would never approve because she would want me to understand what I can't..." He pulled his head up to gaze down at Sephiroth, his lips only a breath away. "If I love you..." he trailed off instead of finishing.

Sephiroth: When he felt the shiver run through Cloud’s body, the embrace he had around the younger man tightened in response, both his mind and body unwilling to release his hold on his lover in order to take hold of the blanket. Was it foolish of him to think that if he released Cloud in anyway that what was happening would be exposed as nothing but an illusion? It was the feeling that he was receiving within his body as they both lay there upon the mattress in silence.

The feeling he felt within his body was foreign to him, and even if his face had once again returned to its usual neutral stance, Sephiroth could hardly ignore the increase in heart rate when he heard the words fall from Cloud’s lips. He made no move to escape from his lover’s pin, his muscles seemingly unresponsive to any demands if there were any to begin with, as the pressure against his shoulders increased dramatically.

When the grip on his shoulders changed, the pin disappearing as Cloud’s fingers tightly took hold of his shoulder, Sephiroth forced his rapidly beating heart to calm once more as he attempted to listen to what his lover was saying. All of it was suddenly becoming clearer as he heard Cloud’s words, the meaning behind what was said dawning on him as the topic of conversation shifted to Cloud’s mother. “And you believe that by denying yourself what you feel… that you can hope to come to an understanding on what she’s trying to tell you?” Sephiroth asked carefully, making sure not to use any referencing to Cloud’s mother and instead, leaving his words to interpretation.

His gaze held a certain intensity within them as Cloud’s face came to hover above his own, watching every movement his lover made as the younger man’s sentence trailed off. Leaning his head up a little, enough that their mouths came into slight contact, Sephiroth quietly spoke as his lips brushed over Cloud’s own. “If you love me?”

Cloud: He didn't resist the increase of hold on him, finding a little comfort in the warmth of the embrace. He immediately took note that Sephiroth made a clear connection to the reference he had made, the mention of Tifa having apparently not thrown the older man too far into caution. He doubted that he had intended to actually throw Sephiroth off the trail anyway, and he knew the older man would puzzle things out given time anyway.

He bit his lower lip a little and blocked out the light of his eyes by closing them, shaking his head a little. "No... if I deny myself, I won't have to come closer to knowing what it is she wants me to know. If I deny everything, it gives me time to find her forgiveness before I am good enough to know what she means... but if I accept what I feel, I move closer to possibly understanding her. She wants me to know... but I can't, not until she forgives me for my sins," he murmured softly, and he doubted he would ever speak like this again. Perhaps it was the darkness that helped him... or perhaps the exhaustion or Sephiroth's presence.

He felt Sephiroth's lips brush over his own several times during the time that Sephiroth spoke, keeping his eyes closed as he studied the feeling. He shook his head a little, brushing his lips over Sephiroth's with the action. "...I don't think it is 'if' anymore..."

Sephiroth: Sephiroth made no move to speak when he lost sight of Cloud’s eyes as they hid behind their lids, watching his lover’s face for any kind of reaction as the younger man answered his stated question. “Perhaps understanding is the key to forgiveness?” Sephiroth quietly questioned, studying every curve along his lover’s face as he allowed his question to sink in for a short while.

Finally releasing one arm from around his lover, he moved to run it softly through the blonde tresses of his lover’s hair, gently massaging the scalp beneath his fingers as he thoughtfully continued. “If through your actions you are able to find such understanding to what she speaks of… then you can better understand that which you believe needs to be forgiven? Sometimes it is only through understanding that we are able to see what was previously blinded to us before… not to mention that it seems nearly impossible for you to figure out what it is she mean’s the way you are currently doing it.”

Feeling the soft brush of lips as his own when Cloud answered him, Sephiroth remained silent for a moment as he allowed his mind to absorb what had just been spoken. The hand massaging against his lover’s head paused in its ministrations, dropping down until it could once again trail down along the length of the younger man’s back until it rejoined his other arm around Cloud’s waist. Tightening his hold almost possessively, Sephiroth “…Not an ‘if’…” he quietly stated, verbally voicing what was replaying through his mind as if the action alone would be enough to make it real to him. Their warm breath mingled together as his lips remained lightly pressed up against Cloud’s own, Sephiroth remained still as he savoured the hint of flavour upon his tongue as it slowly moved out to run over his lover’s lower lip.

“…then we both seem to be within the same category.” Sephiroth mumbled quietly before closing the almost non-existent gap between them and capturing Cloud’s lips with his own.

Cloud: His eyebrows knit together at Sephiroth's words, having never thought about it like that before. To be forgiven... he had to understand in the first place? He thought that such a thing was absurd until he allowed himself a moment to actually think about it, and then there was a sort of clarity that he had never seen before that moment. To be forgiven, he had to understand what she wanted him to know.

He gasped loudly at the realization, his eyes snapping open as his mind played over those thoughts, grasping onto them as if they were a possibly lifeline. Could to step passed his own misery and move to understand? He knew he could fall in love, but a family... it was impossible, so perhaps there was no point in trying to move passed that. For the realization, it came as a very disheartening thought, and his features fell back into depression as he thought of such a thing.

He shook his head. "I can't understand..." he murmured softly. "It could be true that in understanding I will find my forgiveness, but I will never come to understand because... I'm with you," he said. He knew it would hurt, but it was true, hanging his head as his shoulders dropped. "To understand... I have to fall in love, which... is possible. But... I won't leave you and..." he turned his face away before continuing, "she says I'll understand when I have a family to take care of... and we will never have that. It's... impossible. So, it's not worth trying to understand..."

Feeling Sephiroth's lips against his own, he returned the warmth and curled his arms around Sephiroth's neck. He flicked his tongue against Sephiroth's and sighed into the older man's mouth before pulling back. "...so it seems. Do we want to do anything about it?"

Sephiroth: It seemed that this was the first time that Cloud had seriously pondered over his words and could tell instantly that his lover’s mind was working the sentences through its mind. He had been wondering how long it would take before Cloud would begin to think of things in a different light, to see past the tunnel his vision was currently stuck within and to broaden the horizon.

He would have seriously doubted himself if he didn’t catch the moment realization finally hit Cloud like a ton of bricks. The slight spark of hope within the blue iris’ making them far more intense than he had truly ever seen them before their fires dulled as what appeared to be another hurdle came into mind.

Sephiroth had no idea of what such hurdle could break what little hope he’d seen within his lover but what ever it was, he’d do what ever was in his power to make it into what was needed. It became all the more obvious though when Cloud finally spoke up. When Cloud’s attention dropped from his own again, Sephiroth’s head moved to rest back against the soft mattress as he lay there regarding Cloud carefully.

He would give Cloud what he desired, make sure that such a thing would become possible and not remain a thought within his mind for too much longer. It wasn’t impossible, the theory and inward analysis that he’d been working on over the past few weeks had shown him that there was a good possibility that it could work. If that were the case… then over time, he’d be able to give Cloud that which he desired. “You never know what the future has install until it happens.” Sephiroth murmured quietly, allowing his fingers to lightly trace the skin beneath them soothingly as he lightly nuzzled Cloud’s cheek with his face.

“Nothing is impossible Cloud no matter how hopeless the situation may seem.” He wasn’t foolish enough to bring up any reference to their conversation within the supermarket the other day, knowing that it would be less than appreciated and in Cloud’s own opinion highly uncalled for given the situation. It was originally a simple notion to keep his mind from growing board and gave it something to focus upon until he’d felt the distress within his lover, especially given the reaction Cloud had given him when he made mention of it.

Sephiroth made no move to stop the delighted purr when he felt Cloud respond to his kiss while his tongue gave quick chase with his lover’s own. Sucking lightly upon the muscle as Cloud sighed against his mouth, Sephiroth reluctantly released his captive as he leant back to observe his lover.

“…Hmm…” Sephiroth hummed, a pleased tune highlighting his tone as he pulled Cloud entirely up onto his body and pushed his hips against his lover’s own. The mako within his eyes seemed to glow brighter as his catlike gaze remained firmly locked upon Cloud’s own, leaning forward he placed a short trail of kisses along the younger man’s jaw line. After delivering one final lick, Sephiroth leant back against the mattress with a small seductive smile playing at his lips. “Do you think we need to do anything about it?”

Cloud: Cloud nodded his head, aware that Sephiroth was simply trying to cheer him up on the topic, but he knew the truth. He may have started to feel deeply for Sephiroth, but their relationship could go no further than that. He tried to tell himself that it didn't matter, that he would be contented with simply being with Sephiroth. The family element would never be anymore between them aside from one another, and he doubted that Sephiroth was interested in dealing with orphans. The older man's patience for humans tended to be rather lacking.

"I suppose..." he murmured, and he knew the only way that it would ever happen was if he and Sephiroth separated. Neither of them were in any position to have a family, and perhaps someday he would find someone that would. It would take a long time though, perhaps never if he remained in the relationship that he had with Sephiroth. "I suppose it doesn't matter..." he said, though he felt more hopeless given that he had finally seen a path, only to have it crushed before him.

He shifted when Sephiroth moved him, settling himself atop the older man and leaning into the little kisses on his jaw. Sephiroth was probably trying to take his mind off the topic. He looked down at Sephiroth and tilted his head to the side, allowing his fingers to curl in some of his lover's silver hair, massaging the skin at the base of Sephiroth's hairline. "I don't know... I doubt either of us intended to... fall in love." Somehow, the word wasn't so difficult for him to say. It was truth.

Sephiroth: The disappointment could be easily felt within Cloud at his words and currently there wasn’t too much that could be done to rectify the situation either. Considering there was much to do to prepare the younger man if there was any hope to give Cloud the one thing he desired most of all. It was a cause for curiosity himself, Sephiroth had to admit, the thought of baring a child of his own had never once entered his mind until that fateful trip to the supermarket. The mere notion of it before then was simply ridiculous and held no interest to him what so ever. Until of course he’d come face to face with the miniature human in a situation where there was no escape, and any attempt to divert his gaze had failed due to his own forsaken curiosity.

What would it be like to have a family? It was a concept which had never been offered to him, something he had never truly experienced even during the time spent with Mother so it was something that he had never needed to think of. Thing’s seemed different though ever since that trip, seeing the small child there within the pram with its mother had instantly gained his interest and he wondered if he was subconsciously been drawn to the child for a hidden desire for one of his own?

He said nothing in response to Cloud, knowing what ever he said currently concerning the topic would be hollow and hold no meaning behind them. Once things have been set and his thoughts manifest into reality would he think about telling his lover.

Leaning into the touch, Sephiroth’s eyes closed briefly at the pleasant feel it was giving him before the reopened shortly afterwards. It seemed odd to be discussing such a thing with anyone, least of all with the man who currently was lying on top of him right at this moment. “No… but it has happened and something I have no desire in changing.”

Moving a hand up to draw Cloud’s face down to his own, he allowed his tongue to languidly swipe over his lover’s lips before releasing his grasp. “Do you wish to change our situation at all? Considering now that the positions have indeed been changed.” Sephiroth mumbled against Cloud’s lips before pulling away.

Cloud: Cloud decided to let the issue drop before he threatened to depress himself again, feeling like hope had suddenly come to be before being dashed. He wanted to believe that he could find forgiveness from his mother, but he would accept that his sins would never been forgiven. After what he had done, he expected no forgiveness, but he was also afraid to have it, even if he wouldn't admit it outloud.

To be forgiven would leave him with less to think on, less to hold him back. What would he do with himself if he ever found forgiveness? It was why he never expected it to ever happen because it was the greatest sin of all. He had left her behind and hadn't given a second thought to go back, just assumed she had died when now... he knew that he could have saved her if he had tried harder, loved her more, cared for her.

He looked to Sephiroth and nodded his head, aware of what had happened between them. Perhaps he had been ready to love again, but he had been so much in denial that he didn't realize it until it was too late to stop. He didn't want that to bother him, not now in this moment together. "No... I don't think that I do," he murmured. "It happened for a reason, and I will accept that... accept what I feel for you."

He ran his fingers through Sephiroth's hair gently, staring down into the older man's face. He leaned down slowly and pressed his lips to Sephiroth's, lingering there a moment. "I..." he said, tasting the words as his lips were brushing against Sephiroth's as he managed to utter a soft," ...love you." The utterance seemed to please him a little, proud he could manage to get it out without prompting. He trailed his fingers down Sephiroth's chest, side and over the ridge of the older man's hip, pressing his hip harder against Sephiroth's groin.

Sephiroth: Sephiroth remained silent, watching Cloud thoughtfully as his lover murmured quietly. He had to admit that it felt odd to hear the words fall from Cloud’s lips, words he’d never expect anyone to say to him more so now than in his past. Perhaps there was still some hope left for himself upon this planet, a purpose handed to him that has now given him direction within this new life, one which didn’t need him to be some form of destructive force or weapon to be used. It was something that he had never allowed himself to believe before, no one before Cloud ever wanting him around for any other reason solely than to fight. Even back within the days of ShinRa, there had been many times he had often thought of some form of normal life but back then it was an unobtainable delusion that he ignored as he tried to force himself to enjoy the work that had been preordained for him.

His silence continued as his gaze remained firmly locked with the blue one’s before him, never once straying even as he felt the pleasant caress through his hair. Sephiroth made no gesture to move as he watched Cloud lean down slowly towards him, savouring the feel of his lover’s lips against his own as he lightly kissed the mouth upon his. Slowly, the fingers upon Cloud’s body stopped their small dance across his skin as his arms once again tightened their hold around his lover. His gaze was searching when he felt the word against his lips, the touch sending a slight shiver through his frame before Cloud finished off his statement.

Sephiroth waisted no time after that and quickly closed the gap between them, running his tongue over his lover’s lower lip before he pressed his mouth tighter to Cloud’s own and move to deepen the kiss further. At the seemingly simple words spoken, there seemed to be some form of barrier broken, some sort of weight lifted from within as finally, Sephiroth used his weight to roll them both over until he now lay on top of Cloud.

Moving down the length of the muscled chest, Sephiroth’s mouth kissed and nipped its path, pausing at random intervals to pay extra attention to one of his lover’s nipples before moving down further. Unwrapping his arms from around Cloud’s body, Sephiroth couldn’t help the slight smirk of satisfaction from crossing his lips as his tongue moved to attack his lover’s belly button. Dipping his tongue into the navel, the muscle swirled around the area teasing it while both of his hands moved teasingly along either side of Cloud’s body.

Moving painfully slowly over the hips, Sephiroth shifted himself so as his hands had access to his lover’s inner thighs before running the tips of his fingers teasingly over the sensitive flesh. Sucking lightly upon the younger man’s navel, Sephiroth moved to knee between Cloud’s knees, the mako within his eyes burning brightly as he trailed his gaze possessively along his lover’s body.

Absently his hands moved to capture either one of Cloud’s knees, his fingers dancing around until they captured their target and began massaging the back’s of them as he spoke, “…And you Cloud…. You now belong entirely to me…” Leaning down, Sephiroth released one hand from its attack upon his lover’s knee and used it to support his body as he moved along the one beneath him. Roughly capturing Cloud’s lips with his own, Sephiroth thoroughly devoured his lover’s mouth, tasting the unique flavours which made up the younger man before pulling away. With his gaze locking onto Cloud’s own, the mako within them burned in possessiveness as he spoke. “I love you Cloud and I will never allow you to leave me.”

Cloud: Cloud let out a small surprised noise when he was suddenly rolled onto his back, settling himself down on the mattress as he stared up at Sephiroth, keeping up the passion of the kiss until it was broken. He shifted and squirmed when Sephiroth's tongue travelled over his navel, a very sensitive place on his body, and he couldn't hold in a low moan at the teasing tongue. He nearly pushes Sephiroth away only because of the intense feelings so suddenly bombarding him.

He let out a louder moan when his knees were attacked after his legs were spread, reaching down to grip onto Sephiroth. His eyes flicked down at the words, feeling the possession from Sephiroth with such strong words. "To you...?" he managed to get out before he was locked in a kiss, his hands rising to grasp Sephiroth's shoulders tightly as he allows Sephiroth access to his mouth, wrapping a leg around his lover's waist purposefully.

He stared into Sephiroth's blazing eyes, able to tell the emotion there. He had been subject to Sephiroth's possessive nature before, but this was much more than before. The mako blazed in Sephiroth's eyes, and he was entranced for that moment before the older man's words met his ears, and his eyes widened. Had Sephiroth just...? He knew he wasn't mistaken, that Sephiroth had replied in kind to him, words he never expected from the older man, especially combined with such a possessive utterance afterwards. He had no doubt that Sephiroth meant every word of it either.

He wrapped his arms around Sephiroth's midsection and pulled the older man hard against him, grinding his hips against Sephiroth's, shifting his hips so his hip bone ground into the older man's groin. "Sephiroth..." he managed to get out before it was accented with a little squeak for the older man. The possessiveness was... reassuring.

Sephiroth: With the comforting feel of his lover’s leg around his waist, his intense gaze remained firmly locked upon the younger man’s features, remembering every little detail as Cloud searched out his own. There was no resistance within his body as he was pulled down hard against Cloud’s body, for once not restraining himself from the loud moan that wished to escape when he felt his lover’s hip bone grind against his groin.

His senses felt as if they were on fire, never before had he felt such a way in bed, not even the previous times Cloud and himself had slept together. He returned the grinding enthusiastically, feeling the overflow of sensations coursing through his body as his erection began to awaken.

At the sound of his name, shortly followed by the delicious squeak, Sephiroth’s attention was instantly locked back upon his lover, the catlike pupil’s of his eyes dilated wide within the darkness of the room. Moving his hands up to unwrap the ones holding him pinned to Cloud’s body, Sephiroth withdrew from the contact, pulling away as he purposely trailed his hands down along the younger man’s stomach. One hand stopped upon the front of Cloud’s boxers, the limb slowly rubbing the groin area back and forth teasingly as his own moved up to pull down the zip to his pants.

It took all it had within him not to simply take Cloud right now and claim his lover again as his own but he wanted to enjoy this and see the younger man squirm beneath him a while longer as he played with his lover. He entirely withdrew the contact to Cloud’s groin area, moving his arms up teasingly until they came to rest on the guards adorning his shoulders. Each one was easily removed, a little more slowly than usual, before being discarded to the side, the sound of them clunking to the floor’s going unnoticed as Sephiroth moved to undo the buckle to his jacket.

Opening the long black leather jacket, Sephiroth made short work in removing it along with the gloves still upon his hands, easily tossing all the objects in the same general direction as to where his shoulder blades had disappeared too.

He could feel the restraints within him all failing as he moved yet again to hover directly over his lover’s face. The expression set on his own one of content smugness as he ground his hips into Cloud’s own painfully slowly, the fire within his eyes burning just as strong as before as he spoke, his words being accented each with a thrust of his hips. “Mine always and forever more....”

Pressing his lips up against the shell of Cloud’s ear, Sephiroth purred in contentment as he finished his sentence. “…just as much as I belong to you Cloud… and only ever you.” Using his teeth to tug at the soft piece of flesh, Sephiroth released it from his grasp before running his tongue over it.

Cloud: Cloud admitted to being disappointed when Sephiroth left him, but he knew that there would be a need to remove everything that Sephiroth was wearing to make the evening more pleasant. He shivered at the teasing touch to his stomach, pushing himself up to rest on his elbows, a low groan leaving him at the teasing, allowing his head to roll back as he enjoyed the contact.

He turned his eyes to Sephiroth again, watching as the older man began to strip down, simply watching as more skin was exposed for his touch if he wanted it. He took the moment and pull off the only article of clothing that he was wearing to bed, tossing it aside without a word, and he allowed himself to lie down again when Sephiroth came back over him. He ground his hips back against Sephiroth's, noting that his lover was trying to torment him.

His arms rose up, one encircling Sephiroth's waist, making an attempt to push down the older man's leather pants while the other slipped up and caressed the spot below Sephiroth's ribs before he trailed his fingers up and caressed the back of Sephiroth's neck. "I want you..." he murmured, squeaking into Sephiroth's ear, prolonging the noise as he arced his back and pressed his body against Sephiroth's more.

Sephiroth: A sharp groan left his lips when he felt his lover’s hips grind against his own, enjoying the sensations as he ground his own erection up against Cloud’s own. He almost growled slightly at the interruption when he felt the teasing touch to his waist as the younger man attempted to remove his leather pants but it died in his throat long before it could even begin when he felt the touch to his ribs.

His own hands paused in their movements when he felt the overwhelming sensations as those talented fingers caressed his side, Sephiroth losing his momentum for a single moment as he moaned his pleasure for the touch. The moment was short-lived how ever as the touch was removed from his sensitive side and trailed along his body, allowing his hands to resume their movements.

The grinding from his hips abruptly stopped, his body protesting as it ached more for contact but Sephiroth ignored it as he hooked his fingers around the leather of his pants and helped Cloud to remove them as he wiggled his hips to help. It took a while longer than it should have, considering he wasn’t in the best position to remove them, but eventually the task was done and they too joined the other discarded items to the ground.

All reason seemed to stop dead in its tracks though when he felt the teasing to his neck, his body automatically flinching away from the touch to that sensitive area before he forced himself to endure the pleasurable torture. With the combined touch and Cloud’s murmured words, Sephiroth couldn’t stop the pleased moan from escaping his lips, the sound loud and needy even to his own ears but right at the moment, it was something he didn’t care about.

His hands went back to attacking the back of Cloud’s knees as he wanted nothing more than to hear the addictive sounds falling from his lover’s lips as his hips continued to grind into Cloud’s own. Moving around slowly, Sephiroth’s tongue trailed a line along the length of the younger man’s jaw, over each of Cloud’s lips before moving down the chin to run along his lover’s throat. His tongue travelled back up again until his lips came into contact with Cloud’s own. Brushing them teasingly over the tempting mouth, Sephiroth’s teeth clamped playfully onto his lover’s bottom lip, bitting it only enough to cause pain before releasing it and huskily spoke with a voice dripping with desire. “Moan for me Cloud, only for me.”

Cloud: Shifting around under Sephiroth, Cloud let his head fall back against the bed, groaning softly. He turned his eyes down when Sephiroth moved to remove pants, and he reached down to help his lover take them off. He knew he wasn't so helpful, but it appeared that the group effort paid off as the leather was dropped to the floor.

He felt Sephiroth flinch away from the contact to his lover's neck, and he immediately lifted his other arm to wrap around his lover's shoulders, holding Sephiroth too him when it appeared the older man accepted the contact. He stroked the back of Sephiroth's neck gently, nuzzling his lover's face as he continued with the soft contact. "Stay... trust me," he murmured, stroking his lover's neck.

He was distracted when his knees were attacked by Sephiroth's touch, a little straggled moan, turning his head back to allow Sephiroth to lick his jaw. He shuddered when Sephiroth bit his lip, his hands gripping the older man's shoulders, eventually encircling his lover's shoulders.

His eyes flicked to Sephiroth's face at the older man's husky request, having never thought that Sephiroth would say such a thing to him. He allowed his eyes to shut and he pressed his face into his lover's neck, biting hard on the flesh there before he suddenly rolled them so that he was lying on top. He pulled his face back enough to place his mouth by Sephiroth's ear, letting out a long seductive moan for his lover. "...for you?"

Sephiroth: Sephiroth’s gaze caught that of Cloud’s after he’d made his request, watching silently as that blue gaze became hidden to him shortly before the feeling of his lover’s face against his neck took over. The soft purr reverberating in the back of his throat turned into a throaty moan when he felt the sharp pain race through his neck and along his collar bone from the bite given to him.

He made no move to protest the sudden change in their positions, his body enjoying the feel of Cloud’s lying on top of his own far too much to care. Running his hands down the bare skin of his lover’s back, his fingers trailed down until the firmly grasped the firm flesh of the younger man’s globes, increasing the pressure against his own body as he began to grind his hips against Cloud’s own.

At the long and seductive moan which sounded right beside his ear, Sephiroth found his eyes sliding shut at the sound, enjoying every breath his lover took before the moan ended and the question was asked. Releasing one hand, he moved up to run his fingers through the blonde tresses, savouring their soft feel as his other hand also released their hold on their target. Slowly he ran his hand along the smooth muscular frame of his lover’s back, caressing every portion it passed over while his legs moved up to wrap tightly around Cloud’s waist, making sure that the younger man couldn’t move anywhere else.

Turning his full attentions onto the younger man, Sephiroth felt a contented smile grace his lips as he forced Cloud’s hips up tightly against his own. “Only ever for me.” He confirmed, the hand running through the blonde hair slowly began trailing down the side of his lover’s face as he remained silent for a short while, studying Cloud quietly for a moment before the contented expression returned and his sharp gaze flickered back up to meet Cloud’s own.

“There is nothing I love more…” Sephiroth began as he ground his groin teasingly up against his lover’s stationary one. Leaning forward, unmindful of the fact that he’d just left a sentence half finished, Sephiroth placed a single kiss upon the flesh of Cloud’s neck before he sunk his teeth into the area and bit down onto it. The bite was only hard enough to mark and Sephiroth did nothing but pay attention to the mark for a few minutes, licking and sucking upon the skin before pulling away from the tempting flesh and continuing. “…than hearing those delightful sounds falling from your lips and knowing that I am the one who is causing them.”

Cloud: Tilting his head towards the touch through his hair, Cloud closed his eyes and enjoyed the contact. He let out a little sigh, but he blinked when he found legs wrapped his waist, holding him tightly so that he couldn't escape. He shifted to confirm the new position before settling down and once again leaned into the contact to his hair again.

He curled his fingers back into Sephiroth's hair, massaging the older man's scalp before he once again stroked the back of Sephiroth's neck. He eventually trailed his fingers down Sephiroth's chest, stopping to play his thumbs over the older man's nipples.

He shifted his hips as much as he could, grinding them down into Sephiroth's before he let out another little moan at the older man's words. He leaned down and nuzzled his lover's face, kissing his way up Sephiroth's jawline before he opened his eyes and peered at the older man.

He let out a moan at Sephiroth, punctuated with a grind of his hips before he shifted and caressed the older man's erection with his hand, playing his fingers over the flesh. "What does it make you feel when I make noise for you...?"

Sephiroth: Sephiroth unconsciously leant his head back into the soothing touch of his lover’s fingers, making a content noise in the back of his throat before it transformed into a low moan as the fingers touch moved down to his neck. The touch there didn’t last long and as he felt the overwhelming sensations drop as suddenly as they came as his lover’s fingers began making their way down along his chest.

Arching his back up when he felt the thumbs playing over his nipples, his own hands moved down to rest upon the flat of Cloud’s stomach before he ran them up along the muscled plains of the younger man’s stomach and chest. Spreading out his touch to caress until his own fingers brushed over Cloud’s nipples teasingly.

Stopping himself from biting back a moan at Cloud’s movements, Sephiroth purred lightly when he felt the attention directed towards his jaw. The welcomed attention though was abruptly ended, causing his attention to snap up just in time to watch as that delightful sound fell from his lover’s lips. He became all too distracted though by the friction given between their groins as his own hips rose up in time to meet Cloud’s own.

He had to admit pleasant surprise when he felt Cloud shift on top of him, inhaling a sharp breath when he felt his lover’s hand move to caress and playfully stroke his erection. The bombardment of sensations almost made him distracted enough to miss what Cloud asked of him, there was a distinctive haze of pleasure that shrouded his eyes as Sephiroth turned his attentions up towards his lover’s own.

A seductive smile spread across his lips when his foggy mind finally registered what it was the younger man asked of him. Moving his own hand down along Cloud’s body, his light remained light and soft as his fingers trailed down until they came into contact with Cloud’s own erection. Absently teasing the length, Sephiroth moved his other hand around enough to pull the younger man halfway down as he spoke. “The sounds you make enthrall me… entice me into wanting to hear them again, until I get to the point where the desire I hold for you becomes unbearable enough that I simply have to possess everything you offer.”

Cloud: Enjoying Sephiroth's touch in return, Cloud arched his back towards the fingers that caressed down it, having to lift his hips just a little to make the action possible. He let out a soft moan and closed his eyes when he felt Sephiroth's hand tease his own erection, a shiver running down his spine even as he shifted his hips towards that contact, settling himself down on Sephiroth again. He pulled his hand free and caressed the spot just below Sephiroth's ribs again, combining the action with touch to the back of the older man's neck.

This time he maintained the contact to both areas as he stared down into Sephiroth's face, nuzzling his nose against his lover's jaw. His eyes flicked up at Sephiroth's words, finding it a surprising change that Sephiroth was being so openly expressive towards him, and he thought that he knew the reason why. His lover had relaxed since his own admittance, whatever Sephiroth normally held back from him not happening just yet. This was there moment to grow closer.

He allowed a little squeak to leave his throat, no longer finding the sound so embarrassing, not with Sephiroth. He shifted his face and let out a long moan into the older man's ear, flicking his tongue against the lobe. He leaned in close, pressing his lips to Sephiroth's ear as if what he had to say was a big secret that only his lover could hear him. "Possess me... I like that part of you, to know that you will make me yours and in that claim... it makes you happy. I'm not frightened of you, not of who you really are... let me love you as you deserve to be."

He shifted his face down to Sephiroth's neck, attaching himself there, but he didn't bite as he normally would. Instead, his sucked a little before stopping and his tongue began to trace lines on the flesh there, tracing along his lover's warm skin three simple words. Perhaps Sephiroth wouldn't pick it up, but he silently traced a single 'I' then continued with an 'L' then 'O' and so on until he had drawn out three words with his tongue, ending it with a moan.

Sephiroth: Sephiroth removed his touch when he felt Cloud settle back down on top of him. There was a shudder which ran down his body when both of his sensitive spots, his body loving yet loathing the pleasurable torture being given to him as he moaned loudly in enjoyment. Tilting his head back against the mattress, Sephiroth’s eyes closed at the overwhelming sensations he was feeling as yet another moan slipped past his lips.

He had never been this vocal before and blamed it on his seemingly over sensitive body and the weaknesses upon it in which Cloud knew of. He wished nothing more than for this pleasurable torture to stop and yet with every new caress he could feel his body aching for more.

His attention was instantly grabbed as his eyes snapped open, hearing the small noise which only seemed to heighten his desire further. Moving his hands along either side of Cloud’s body, one trailed down lower, teasing his lover’s entrance playfully while his other hand moved in between their bodies until it came into contact with what he desired. Wrapping his fingers around the younger man’s erection, Sephiroth began to slowly stroke the flesh within his grasp as he listened to the words spoken to him.

A strong shudder of desire coursed through his body at the words and he quickly found himself wanting nothing more than to possess Cloud entirely, to possess everything about his lover until he had no idea where he started and Cloud began.

His plans were put on hold temporally when he felt his lover’s tantalizing mouth attach itself to his own neck, sucking on the flesh there until he felt not-so-random patterns being traced upon his skin. It took his hazy mind time to figure out exactly what was being traced but after the third letter finished, it became obvious as to what was being written.

Slowly his legs began to unfold themselves from around Cloud’s waist and instead lay them down to rest, feet against the mattress. Tracing a pattern up along either side of the younger man’s arms, Sephiroth’s grasp instantly latched onto both of Cloud’s elbows as he force himself to sit up. Using his heavier form to his advantage, Sephiroth slammed his lover down against the mattress beneath them both as he moved to kneel between Cloud’s legs.

Releasing his hold on his lover, his voice held nothing but possessiveness as he traced intricate circled patterns upon the bare chest lying before him. He moved to touch and caress every inch of the younger man’s body, feeling it properly for the first time as he touched what was his and his alone.

Shifting himself forward, Sephiroth teased his erection against his lover’s backside, running it along until his own erection came into contact with Cloud’s own. “You are asking a dangerous thing of me Cloud.” Sephiroth warned quietly, every movement, every word and gesture spoke silently of the final restraint he kept himself under as his hand trailed up to playfully flick one of the nipples it found. “I want nothing more than to possess you completely, to own every last part of you and claim you unmistakably as my very own lover. I want to take you in every possible way, consume every part of your very essence and once that is done Cloud my love…”

Leaning himself forward, Sephiroth continued on until he came face to face with that of his lover’s again as he whispered while his lips brushed over Cloud’s own. “…I will allow you to claim me as your own, to take me as I have taken you so that there would be no barriers between us any longer.” Lightly kissing the lips beneath him, the gentle gesture was only ruined by the pure possessiveness dripping from his voice as he spoke. “And then Cloud, you will eternally be mine.”